Both the before and after of a divorce can be hard on your well-being.
My friend recently went through it and there were many stages to the divorce cycle that you should probably know are coming to be better prepared and make life easier for yourself and those around you.
First there was just the question of separating. They have three kids which made this really hard on her to leave him.
But honestly how happy are you going to be when you are living with a man or woman you don't love, with three kids to boot. You make yourself miserable and believe me...kids can sense that you are not happy no matter how much you try to hide it.
The constant back and forth of whether she should leave took much conversation and thinking on her part. To leave something and someone that has been permanent to your life and to do something else is scary. But scary is good. That means you are not a drone to life. You are really living. And once you get over the scary hurdle it becomes easy again. If there was no scary then we would all just ride through life not learning anything.
Finally she decided to leave, but because she had spent so long preparing she had a plan in effect and it made the transition a little easier on her and the kids. She knew when she was going to leave, where she was going to go, what she needed to get done to leave, where to have her kids while she left, and so on and so forth.
After she left, and started to begin her new life, she spent a long time putting off the divorce. I call that her buffer time.
That's where you don't want to cut that tie of marriage because it's something that is familiar and something that you could, if you wanted to, go back to. Once you start the divorce it's putting a stamp on your marriage and old life saying that you are really going in another direction and again that's scary.
And then, after realizing that she was going to be okay on her own, she got the divorce. I have never seen her so happy. Not even at her wedding. Go figure.
Again though she had spent some time researching exactly what she needed to do so that there were no snags along the way. She had everything in order in this binder and knew what every term regarding divorce meant.
Now she has moved on and is in a new relationship. Both her and her kids are way better off for it and the ex-spouse has even showed more of his true colors now that he knows he's not getting her back.
The point to divorce is to move on with your life with or without your ex-spouse. You can't stay in a loveless marriage because it affects every single part of your life. You can't be fully happy when one part of your life is not fully happy.
Once you break free from that unhappiness you have the chance to live the real life you were meant to live.
Your marriage wasn't a failed marriage, it was just a lesson learned in what you don't want. In essence, it was in your life to show you how to really be happy.
In any case divorce is still very stressful and there is lots of paperwork and phone calls to be done. And if you have kids there is their emotional well-being to think of as well.
This woman, Dr. Reena Sommer, has spent the past 18 years working with divorcing families. She is very familiar with the challenges they face - the most important one being - not understanding what the divorcing process is all about. If you want some good information check her out.
I suggest that you talk to someone like her or read what she has to say about everything involving divorce before you actually do it. It takes away all those 'what about this' thoughts and leaves you focused on taking care of you well-being, which is why you should be getting a divorce in the first place.
Learn more about divorce from Dr. Reena Sommer & Associates
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