By: James Walsh
But if you do not like the person with whom you "worked' jointly to create the family, should you hold on to it anymore? The word "partner' is becoming very common now, not just for providing a discreet neutrality of connotation for same sex or cohabiting couples, but because of its inherent meaning. A partner is some one with whom you have decided to enter a joint venture - be it work or a relation. It is as serious as office, or maybe even more. What you now produce between the two of you - be it children or a house, or a garden - it is a result of your joint venture as partners. Ending a marriage will mean not just parting from one particular person, but also discarding a legal, social and financial identity. The choice is yours to make, and yours alone. If the neighbours are nosing around, the colleagues are talking and sniggering at office, it is only momentary, till the next food for exciting gossip comes along. But you will have to live your life, and bear all the consequences of your decision.
<b>A Few Points to be Kept in Mind </b>
There are so many things to be considered if you are going for an annulment of your marriage. Situations vary, because all of us are different people, but there are some general factors we can always use as parameters to gauge our situations, because after all, we all belong to the same species.
- In the first place, are you sure you want the divorce itself? Is the rift between the two of you deep enough to be termed "irrevocably broken apart'? That is what the piece of rubber stamped paper will say about your relation after the decree absolute is granted. If you feel you can give another try, give it. Maybe it will not work. But failure is better than living a life of lingering doubt and misgivings, when you tell yourself almost every day, "it could have worked if I worked for it.'
Do you realise the full implications of the divorce on you? Nothing will remain as it is, and even if you continue to live in the same house, its insides would be completely altered now. Human beings make all the difference, and keeping the furniture as it was will not make a difference.
There are less romantic considerations too. Your finances, property and legal papers are all automatically joined together the moment you get married. Are you willing to take the trouble of separating everything again? Do you know how you will go about it, and what the consequences would be financially and legally?
Have you told the children? If you have decided on it, it is better to break the news to them. Don't let their world come crashing down suddenly one day, for it will heighten the shock effect, and they might brood on it for the rest of their lives. It is best to prepare them for the oncoming changes. If they are grown enough to understand what is going on, give them a full explanation. There is no need to make excuses, but you owe them a logical explanation.
Assure your children it is not their fault. They tend to hunt for reasons behind adult behaviour, and they may take it upon themselves that mum and dad are fighting because of them. Never hold your children's existence as an excuse for holding on to the marriage, even to yourself. You had decided on the marriage, you are responsible for their birth, and now you are responsible for the divorce. It cannot be their "fault' in any way.
If you are about to start a new relation with another partner, introduce the children to him or her. Springing a surprise will not be welcomed by either party. It is best to give them some time to get comfortable with each other, and adjust around one another's lifestyles and habits, prior to a situation where they are all to live together under one roof. They need to realise that they have just been clubbed in together under the common header of a family.
Please clarify all details of custody, maintenance and visitation with dignity and well in advance. They should not suffer for your decisions, or bear the brunt of your mistakes. This is the only factor that has to be maintained in all situations.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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