Introduce the dynamics into a relationship and the change, compromise and work required are of a different level altogether. This is not to suggest that the institution of marriage is not worth it, just that for a great marriage there are no short cuts. After all the hard work, when and if one does have a good marriage, nothing can be more fulfilling.
The path is never straightforward and smooth and expectations are often compromised. Many people just don't think the marriage is worth all that effort and divorce becomes the easy way to cop out. Just with a signature on a piece of paper a relationship comes to an end and along with it changes the lives of the key players. Ending one relationship does not guarantee that another will work because that too will need hard work and compromise. Therefore, if all relationships require effort is it worth getting divorced? Isn't it better to stick it out and iron out the problem areas just as we would with friends and family? The answers to these queries are not quite so simple.
When Divorce Can Be Avoided
Differences in a marriage are bound to crop up. There will be times when one's spouse can seem like the enemy and bear no resemblance to the person that one married. Just as we have seasonal changes from spring, summer to autumn and winter, in the same way relationships go through different phases. To bail out at the first sign of trouble is not to give the relationship a chance. "This too shall pass", should be the mantra for any relationship that is facing testing times. Usually, when two people have faced testing times, they usually emerge stronger and their relationship becomes deeper.
Apart from the fact that sometimes divorce might seem the easy way out, there are several other dynamics that have to be considered. A marriage is about a couple, their children, their home, their investments and their way of life. When a couple decides to get divorced, it impacts the lives of their children. The home that they worked to build together becomes a point of contention, property has to be divided and dreams get shattered.
If the problem that a couple is facing is one that can be resolved by going to a councillor, then that option should be taken. Speaking to a third person about problems might bring a fresh objective perspective that can help. If a relationship has gone off track because of career demands, a couple needs to pay more attention to the relationship. Misunderstandings, lack of romance, demanding careers etc are definitely issues that can be resolved and definitely not worth the devastation and upheaval that a divorce could cause.
When Divorce Is the Only Option
There are times when divorce is the only option. When a spouse has been continuously lying and cheating without any remorse, the marriage is just not worth holding on to. If a spouse is physically and emotionally abusive and doesn't respect you, divorce is definitely an option to get out of a messy situation. If the children are under constant threat from an abusive husband then divorce is the only way out.
There are issues that can be resolved and there are issues that cannot. Some people may change abusive patterns of behaviour and some people will not. Some people will deeply repentant about an infidelity while some might continue the pattern. As long as there is genuine willingness by both parties to make a relationship work and the commitment to the marriage is equal, issues can always be resolved. If on the other hand the marriage is just about two people bound by a piece of paper without mutual respect or commitment, then it is just not worth it.
The Side Effects
A divorce doesn't just end with the signing of a document. It calls for a whole change of lifestyle. It means upheaval in the lives of children and it means picking up the threads and starting all over again. It is definitely not easy. One must therefore think hard before going in for a divorce. Only if the problem is grave and you're absolutely miserable; one should not think about divorce as an easy way out. Most issues can be ironed out and a marriage can work which is a better option than all the trouble that follows in the wake of a divorce.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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