What Men Really Want: To Have Their Emotional Expressions Understood

By admin / September 22, 2010
By: Bob Grant
Category: Relationships

It sounds like such a simple question. In fact it's so simple that most women assume they know the answer. Here are just a few of the responses that women typically give when asked to describe exactly what men want in a woman.

- Men just want sex.
- Men don't want to commit.
- Men don't know what they want.

Yes, those are the typical answers that are accepted by most. There certainly are many men who fall into the categories listed above, but those answers don't really tell the whole story. What is lacking is an understanding of how differently men and women express what they want and need.

Men and Woman “Taste” Emotions Differently

Let me use this example to illuminate these particular differences. Did you know that there are professional taste testers? These individuals can take one sip of soda or sample a spoonful of ketchup and tell you exactly which ingredients each of these contains. Some are so good that they can even describe the amounts of each ingredient that has touched their pallet.

To do this, these masters of tactical intuition can identify more than 50 to 70 different types of taste. The average person can't distinguish even half of this. Because of their vast array of different flavors, they are able to distinguish between several different kinds of sweet whereas most individuals would only describe two or three different variations.

It isn't that they are simply talented; no, what separates them is that they can distinguish more types of flavors than the average person. Most individuals can't describe what is different between two kinds of similar soda because they have a limited amount of flavor perceptions from which to choose their description.

How Do Varying Emotional Perceptions Apply to Men?

Women have the same vast capacity with their feelings that the expert taster does with their pallet. For the four or five different flavors of angry that a woman possesses, a man has one. He’s either angry or not. Not slightly angry or mildly upset, just angry or not.

A woman talks about the depths of her love for a man and can describe the subtleties that she feels when she thinks of her beloved. A man simply feels in love. Not strongly infatuated or mildly curious, but simply in love or not quite sure.

This pattern applies to nearly all feelings that men and women posses. It isn’t that men don’t feel as much as women so much as it is that they don’t have the capacity to express those feelings in words as well as their female counterparts.

Men Like to Be Understood on Their Own Level

Due to this disadvantage, what men find refreshingly captivating is a woman that seems to understand them, even when they don’t get the words right. It’s surprising that most women don’t understand how fetching it is to a man on those occasions when a woman is able to understand his gestures, expressions, and offers of admiration.

To do this most women focus on trying to get a man to express himself like a woman. They want him to describe in detail the internal workings of all of his thoughts. They don’t want him to be a woman, but they assume that a man can express himself emotionally, with a little help.

If you have tried this with a man, then you know if often leads to both the man and the woman feeling frustrated and misunderstood. May I offer you a suggestion? The first rule to capturing a man’s heart is making him feel understood. If you assume that a man’s intentions toward you are good and noble, then you already have an advantage over most women.

Believe His Intents Are Good and Work From There

What does this mean? If you believe that a man has good intentions toward you, when he says or does something that you don’t like, ask him why he acted the way he did instead of telling him that he did it wrong. Treat him respectfully when you disagree with him, even if you’re angry, and you’ll soon have a man that will want to spend more and more time with you. By asking him about his intentions, instead of assuming you know them, you’ll give him feedback on how his actions affected you.

Here’s an example. Let’s assume Susan’s boyfriend makes a joke about getting angry enough to “hurt someone.” To Susan this sounds like he has a problem with anger or even worse that he could be violent. All of her vast feelings are telling her that this was a VERY bad thing that Pete (her boyfriend) as just said. Yet Susan has known Pete for four months now, and angry outbursts and displays of violence aren’t things that she has ever observed in her man.

Rather than reacting to Pete’s comment in anger, in spite of her feelings, she ask him, “Um . . . when you say ‘hurt someone’ I’m not really sure what you mean?” In an instant, Pete hears how this comment was received and quickly realized how strong his comment actually was. In that moment, her question disarmed him. She wasn’t threatening or demeaning because she gave Pete the benefit of the doubt.

Navigating a Man’s Emotional Expressions Can Be Simple

She also didn’t ask him to explain in great detail what he was feeling or overwhelm him with all the details of what her feelings were at the moment. No, she asked him a simple question and in the process allowed Pete to apologize and to explain that he didn’t really mean what he said. It was more that his level of frustration at his boss was simply making him feel overwhelmed at times. In his words, “I probably should have chosen my words better.”

I realize how simple this sounds, and the truth of the matter is that it really can be that simple. When a man feels that you don’t expect him to express himself in the same manner as a woman, and believes that you genuinely like him for being a man, he’ll find himself wanting to spend more and more time with you every day.



Find a man OR save a relationship. Author and Licensed Professional
Counselor Bob Grant answers your
Relationship Questions and will help you learn
What Men Want Your man will want to date, marry, and never leave you. Feel the power of being happy! Get to know Bob at Relationship Headquarters.com.



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