Behaviour that Ruins a Marriage – I

By admin / November 26, 2007
By: James Walsh
Category: Divorce

Even couples, who have had a good trial run in the form of cohabitation, seem to view things in a different light after being formally wedded.

When we study the reason behind the failure of these marriages, the root cause usually appears to be irreconcilable differences between the couple. Irreconcilable differences could sometimes be due to minor problems arising from varied outlook towards life. With patience and dedication from the couple, these differences could be easily overcome and the divorce could be averted.

However, sometimes differences between the couple crop up due to the mistakes or misbehaviour of one of the married partners. In these cases, unless the person indulging in unreasonable behaviour realises his mistake and takes step to mend his or her ways, divorce might be the only choice left to the spouse.

Unreasonable Behaviour Leading to Divorce

Here are a few behaviours which, when exhibited by one of the partners, are sure to ruin any marriage:

1. Selfishness: Marriage is a mutual bondage between two people. There are a few compromises that are necessary in order to make a marriage work. However, when one person expects his or her spouse to make all the sacrifice, so that he or she can lead an uncompromised life, things could get worse. Such selfish people might want to use all the financial and materialistic resources in the household or would not share the burden of work with their spouse. This can cause emotional disturbance and resentment in their spouse.

Instead of bearing the hardships silently or picking up a fight for your rights, it is better to have a meaningful conversation and confront the person for his unreasonable behaviour. Make him understand how the behaviour affects having a healthy relationship and causes pain for other members in the family. In case your spouse really wants to change his ways, be supportive to him through the transformation.

However, when the person does not make any effort to change and the spouse has to face all the hardships, it might eventually lead to a separation.

2. Abusive Partner: Even today, a lot of marriages fail due to the abusive nature of a partner. Abuse does not necessarily mean causing physical injuries to the spouse. It could be emotional in nature as well. Constantly finding fault with the partner, making negative remarks in public, restricting their movement, making decision for them without their consent or consultation, etc. are some of the common traits of a person abusing his spouse emotionally.

Although the injury caused by an emotional abuse cannot be seen, damage done to a person's soul and spirit could be far more severe. It could lower the victim's self-esteem, inflict a sense of fear and restrict a person's freedom.

Witnessing the sufferings of a parent in the hands of the other, could make the children feel miserable. Unable to be of assistance, the children might feel helpless and could blame themselves for all the undesirable activities and problems in the family. This could affect the emotional well-being of the children and could have long lasting effect on their personality.

Hence, if the person does not make an effort to change himself or herself, divorce might be the only way out of the situation for his or her spouse.

3. Control Freak: There are some people who provide uninvited advice to their spouse on every possible issue and would not let the person off, until their advice is followed in the strictest regard. They try to blame and argue on every decision taken by the spouse. They try to dominate the conversations and dictate terms, be it about what dress the spouse needs to wear or with whom he or she needs to be friends with.

This type of behaviour can be infuriating to the spouse. Although love can help a person put up with a dominating spouse for a while, he or she would soon be suffocated due to the lack of freedom. This would soon lead to separation.

Usually, only a person who feels insecure at heart turns out to become a control freak. Try to make your spouse understand and accept his or her problem. Make him or her understand that only by changing his or her attitude can the marriage survive. If he or she is really interested in making the marriage work, then help him or her rectify his mistakes.

The Last Word

These are some of the behaviours that are sure to ruin a marriage. However, if love between a couple is strong enough, they can work towards a solution and turn the marriage into a grand success.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see

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