Stop Beating Yourself Up Get A New Life

By admin / May 11, 2009
By: Jim DeSantis
Category: Happiness

As far as you are concerned, all your doubts, fears and insecurities are real and they are robbing you of your self esteem. You feel like a nobody when, in fact, you just need to see the real you, the "somebody" you already are! Here is how.

You know how it feels: all your physical flaws and doubts about yourself are real and they are crippling your self esteem. You wish you were somebody else when, in fact, you just need to discover the real you, the "somebody" you already are! Here is how.

More and more you have accepted that most people are better than you. They seem to have more luck, more joy, more fun than you. The fact is, most people are actually more or less as insecure about themselves as you are. While they seem to you to be "somebody", most people see themselves as a nobody.

Now I am not talking about the "front" they show the world. I am talking about that inner person who, like you, does not really have their act together. Their book of life has a great looking cover but the pages of their book of life are mostly blank. They believe they have nothing to contribute to the world they live and move in.

For example, ever notice that hot looking girl or handsome guy sitting alone at a party? They were casually sipping their drink and you immediately thought they were unapproachable by you, of all people. They would surely have rejected you if you had tried to strike up a conversation. Trust me, if you could have heard their thoughts you might have heard something like this:

"I hate parties. No one ever wants to talk to me."

"Why don't guys/girls find me attractive?"

"What's wrong with me?"

We look at a successful co-worker and think: "Man, he has it made! I wish I was in his shoes!" Yet, your co-worker sees a different inner picture:

"I'm such a failure!"

"The boss is out to get me."

"Why don't my co-workers like me?"

This is the way life is for most people. The world presents a false picture that we use for comparison against our own false picture.

We evaluate other people and envy them for looking so terrific and perfect and wish we were them. But, as you might guess by now, they look at us and think the same thing about us. They envy us!

It amazes me that we can be so sure of the happiness of other people while they are actually totally unsure of themselves.

Most people, believe it or not, suffer from low self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence, and have little hope they can ever measure up because, in quiet desperation, they are measuring themselves falsely.

Some folks may exhibit irritating habits like biting their finger nails and having a foul mouth as part of their personality. They don't even notice what they are doing to isolate themselves from other people. No one tells them. People just avoid them.

We all know at least one friend who is a non-stop talking machine. Most conversations with them are one sided. They are the only one interested in the things they have to say. You just can't get a word in and you know to never, never, never ask them a question about anything! The answer goes on and on and on! Of course, everyone avoids them whenever they come into a room and our talking machine friend doesn't even notice how badly they have become socially isolated!

So what can you do right now to change from someone who is avoided to someone everyone wants to be around?

One key to self improvement is to confide in your most trusted friend. We all have someone with whom we find comfort in opening up to, even about the most sensitive topics we want to discuss.

Ask your trusted friend a simple question like:

"I need you to tell me the truth. What do other people think about me as a person?"

This question will show your trusted friend that you are sincere in your process of self improvement. You must honestly listen to their comments and never try to defend yourself! This is not the purpose of this exercise in self improvement. You want the truth, don't you?

Instead of engaging in verbal self defense, open up your mind and heart and listen. Don't talk. Listen. You may find your friend opening up to you as well. You both might benefit from each other's observations. Remember, they too suffer from insecurity on some level.

Here is a secret: In order to get other people to like you, you must like yourself first but do not be a phony. Remember, you cannot appear to be that which you are not, at least not for long. Being a phony will only further damage your self esteem because you will begin to think: "I hope no one figures out what a real phony I am."

So, goal number one is to learn how to like the person you are right now with a plan to become someone who is liked by most everyone.

Raising your self esteem makes us better people. It is only then that we can begin to be wanted by other people. You need to stop thinking of yourself as {{{a nobody.|a loser.|a phony.

Stop thinking thoughts such as these:

"I should be more successful."

"I should be rich by now."

"I should be married by now."

"I should (you name it)"

Discovering who you really are and liking your current self is the key to raising your self esteem.

A good first step is to stop comparing yourself to others because, if you persist in such a waste of mental energy, you will always find 10 more reasons to envy others and continue to hate your current self. It will never end!

Everyone has personality faults. Nobody is a perfect 10 when compared against true perfection. A person with low self esteem doesn't believe they will ever have a full and happy life. You must realize that life is never a perfect 10 and that your life need not be perfect for you to be happy about who you are.

As you raise your self esteem, you will find strength in accepting and being contented with your life at this moment while you strive to become even better as you learn and grow. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel even more self assured and happy as life changes for the better.

Becoming a somebody all starts with raising your self esteem. Jim DeSantis is a retired TV News Anchor who will help you raise your self esteem with his new ebook: "Self Esteem Magic" - click here! Discover how you can begin building your new life in one weekend.

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