How To Say No Without Upsetting Everyone

By admin / January 23, 2010
By: Roseanna Leaton
Category: Happiness

A friend of mine suggested that this title could lead to the creation of an interesting article, and I think that she is absolutely right. How do you say "no" when you are aware that someone else is hoping for the opposite answer? And how do you keep everyone around you happy when they potentially want different things?

The best way forward is usually to be very straight forward or honest; your intention, after all, is not to hurt another person, merely to do what you think is the right thing. There is no point in going along with something that you do not wish to do if you are going to feel frustrated and discontented; that would only cause discomfort to everyone involved and would defeat the whole object of agreeing in the first place.

If you are going to do something, then it should be done with good grace, for everyone's sake. If you were to say "yes" with an attitude of acceptance and a commitment to make the most of things, then the result would be very positive. Simply by deciding that you were going to look upon the bright side means that you would indeed do exactly that and ultimately you would have fun.

A lot depends of course what it is that you are having trouble saying "no" to. If you really, really wanted to say no, or if it was very important to you, you would usually find it relatively easy to say your piece. If you feel that you are just being selfish in saying "no" then it is somewhat more difficult to reconcile what you want to do with what you feel that you should do.

Perhaps then the question you should ask yourself is not how to say no, but rather why it is so important that you say "no"? In reality, the mere fact that you are having so much trouble in saying "no" may indicate that you have not really made your mind up as to what you yourself really want. It is possible that you are suffering from an internal conflict, with your logical mind saying one thing and your emotions saying another; the classic case of "being in two minds".

For some people there a secondary gain in going along with things or agreeing to things which they would prefer to say "no" to. Ultimately we all like to be liked; we like to please. We do not really like to disappoint others, particularly those whom we care about. And so, in saying "yes" and agreeing to things, there is also an element to pleasing oneself, simply by acting to please the other person.

There are many things which may lie beneath the surface of this question of how to say no. Often a lack of self esteem is at the heart of the issue; you may be so focused upon pleasing others that you have completely omitted to think about what you yourself desire. It may be that saying "yes" has become a means of grasping attention and you are afraid that in saying "no" you would no longer be noticed.

The only way in which good and solid decisions can be made is from a platform of self-confidence, self-worth and respect. If a decision does not reflect respect to yourself and to others it simply cannot sit well with you. If a decision does not accord with your own moral code, then again it will not feel good.

The answer to this question which my friend posed has more potential answers than the number of legs on an octopus! The nub of it however lies firstly in being true to yourself whilst respecting others; and secondly in learning that it is in fact easy to say no in a way which is not offensive, so long as you have reconciled your own logic and emotions about the subject in hand.

Hypnosis is a great tool in helping one to relax and step back from a situation, enabling you to see things more clearly and also to bring your logical mind and your emotional mind into alignment. With hypnosis you have access to your subconscious mind and so it becomes easy to change instinctive patterns of thought and belief. Simply by listening to hypnosis downloads you can build confidence and self esteem and in this way it will become far easier to make good decisions.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for confidence, success and well-being.

P.S. You can grab a free hypnosis download from my website and start to build confidence right now.

With a degree in psychology and qualifications in hypnotherapy, NLP and sports psychology, Roseanna Leaton is one of the leading practitioners of self-improvement. You can get a free hypnosis download from and peruse her extensive library of hypnosis confidence mp3s.

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