Lessons from Infidelity

By admin / December 2, 2007
By: James Walsh
Category: Divorce

But infidelity can be considered a blessing in disguise in the long run. Marriage counsellors state that the people affected by infidelity are:

· Both the spouses

· Children

· Relation and friends

· Work colleagues and social acquaintances

Effects on Children: It is surprising but infidelity has proven positive effects on children. These effects were recorded and analysed by a group of psychologists from Liverpool . The longitudinal survey was focused on 150 children of divorced families. The primary reason documented for divorce was infidelity. These children were catogorised into two groups:

· Pre-adolescents i.e. below the age of 12

· Adolescents i.e. between ages 12-17

Positives

Readiness to Face Reality: The study revealed that these children were more prone to accept and deal with harsh facts. More than 62% displayed a readiness to face facts. Social psychologists concluded that infidelity by a parent teaches the child to be tough. They can readily face the harsh truth. They can deal and thrive under any circumstance.

51% of these children were able to accept the fact that they had performed poorly in semester exams. Comparatively, normal children were prone to suicidal rages and depression. These children had learnt to face reality. They knew that they had to help themselves to better their circumstance. In comparison, normal children tended to blame everyone but themselves. They were more inclined to blame their parents, their teacher, friends, relatives and the educational system.

Children of divorce had learnt to observe and introspect. They were not impulsive and hasty. Their behaviour, actions and speech were controlled and mature. They tended to act mature. They were more prone to constructive criticism. Normal children, on the other hand, were prone to temper tantrums.

They were immature in behaviour and actions. They had poor time management skills. Divorced children were multi-tasked in nature. They were responsible with highly developed cognition capacities. Social psychologists attribute this to the harsh realities of divorce. Children, whatever their age, are forced to face facts. They cannot hide from it. They have to accept reality and mature in mind.

They have to juggle responsibilities. These children have to better their personal outlook to make circumstances easier. This tough exterior helps them in academic, sport and other personal fields of achievement. They usually see failure as a stepping stone to success.

Building Self-confidence: Behavioural therapists argue that divorce pushes the child back in every aspect. But survey results show the opposite. Children of divorce prove themselves as thinkers and leaders. They are mature and responsible. They do suffer an emotional setback when the parents get divorced.

But this setback is short-term. These children quickly adjust to changed circumstance. They rebuild their level of self-confidence to face all distractions and adversities. They draw strength from themselves. This makes them independent in thought and action. Results revealed that usually these children excel at leadership.

They make good leaders either in the classroom, sports field or the playground. Their self-reliance coupled with ability to enthuse others inclines them as leaders. In addition, they are sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Divorce actually teaches them to become mature and independent, shouldering responsibilities and duties.

Negatives: But all is not as rosy as it seems. The survey results showed that these children suffered from long-term adverse effects.

Emotional and Mental Health: Some of these children suffer traumatically. They are unable to get back onto life track. They develop disturbing emotional behaviour syndromes. These symptoms do not fade with time. They become stronger shaping the individual's personality. These children tend to develop hallucinatory, anti-social behaviour. The behaviour affects mental health also.

· Anti-social behaviour leading to schizophrenia and mental disorders

· Tendency to spend adult life in prison for crime

· Spend time in mental institutions

· Tendency to become alcoholics

· Prone to drop out of school engaging in petty crime of thievery and vandalism

All these negative behaviours affect the economy. Productivity goes downhill. The future workforce is mentally skewed with emotional problems. These children are prone to violent acts of mutilation of animals and other people. They pose a danger to societal well being.

Inability to Maintain Relationships: Survey results show that more than 56% of these kids develop phobic syndromes. Usually adolescent children tend to build a protective shell around themselves. They begin to distance themselves from reality.

These children start perceiving the caretaker parent as the culprit. They start acting out. They also begin to distrust the caretaker parent. They tend to blame the custodial parent for not adjusting. On the other hand, they also distrust and hate the other parent.

They see the other parent as a deceiver and betrayer. This affects their ability to maintain emotional and even work relationships. The study showed that these children as adults were more prone to nomadic life. They did not have a steady emotional relationship. They tended to be serial divorcers.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com





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