Coping After Divorce: Women

By admin / February 3, 2008
By: James Walsh
Category: Divorce

You need not rise and shine on the very next day after the court sends in the decree absolute, but a long-drawn mourning period for the death of your marriage might put you into greater trouble.

Sorting Out the Issues

A divorce usually leaves people emotionally exhausted. You have gone through the whole range of human emotions and passions in a very short period of time and now all the colour seems to have drained out of life. You just don't have the energy to feel anything again. So the first hurdle that you must overcome is this deadened feeling. One good way of getting started is to make a list of things you need to sort out. This is more or less a mechanical activity, so it is not going to take emotional effort, but get things moving again.

· Have you taken stock of your exact financial situation? If you haven't, then get it done. This does not mean only your bank account, but also the shares, investments, insurance and other financial assets. To speak generally, take stock of the situation first.

· You also need to see if all payments concerning divorce are done. Are there any pending bills that may come up to bug you at inconvenient times? Also, see if you are yet to get some payments that are due to you.

· Are all the divorce settlement papers in order? Put them into folders and keep them in a safe place. Check whether all signatures and stamps have been affixed. Make a soft copy of all pages and save online and take a backup too. If there have been any online transactions, take hard copies and insert in the correct folders.

The House and Other Assets

Now that you know where you stand money-wise, you can start planning about maintaining the house. If you have got your old residence, it may help to do it up in a different way. The familiar objects usually hold too many painful and potent memories. Simple things such as changing the drapes and rearranging the furniture have done wonders to refresh other women trying to put the past where it belongs. If you have got the car, you need to take charge of its maintenance totally now. If the car is not around anymore, you need to buy one. If the finances are not very rosy, you will have to go for a second hand one, or maybe just manage without a personal vehicle for sometime. If you have got other property to look after, make a visit and put things in order there. Remember that property is an asset; if you need it, you can rent it out.

Your Career

· If you had been working, then there is no question of letting your career suffer because of the divorce. Years of effort have gone behind making you who you are today, so this is an important part of your identity that is unrelated to your marriage. If you neglect your work for too long, even the most understanding colleagues would start resenting it.

· If you were not the earner, then you really have no time to lose. No matter how much money you have saved up, it will run out one day. Maintenance is useful, but most of it will be spent in taking care of the house and paying bills. Now that you are on your own, it also means that you are free to explore all the opportunities possible. You can start a home business; a lot of women have made astounding careers on internet business after divorce.

· If you have worked before marriage but have not done so for the past few years, the road is not going to be smooth. But you cannot afford to give up, so do not lose heart, and if none of the companies seem to want you, start off with your own home business and odd jobs. It is bad, but if you don't do anything, it will get worse.

Managing Children

Your partner is not around anymore, but a child would want a father. This is not unfair on you; it is a natural urge. Try to be patient with your child. Remember that you have more responsibilities now. But do not resent your ex's visits and contact with the child.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see

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