A Womans Survival Guide to the year after Divorce

By admin / December 28, 2007
By: James Walsh
Category: Divorce

The Immediate Post-divorce Period

By now, you would have realised that a change in your marital status also changes you emotionally and financially. You are a new person and even your relationship with your children would have altered.

You might be experiencing a plethora of never before experienced negative emotions. Anger could be the strongest emotion you would be experiencing (and justifiably so), for the person you deeply loved is the cause of your grief. Sorrow is another deep-rooted emotion caused by the shattering of a dream that centred on a joyful life to be lived together. Living all alone might never have been your plan for the future. Pushed into a solitary life, you live in fear, for an independent life is also marked with financial and emotional insecurity.

Apart from this you would also be feeling guilty and frustrated, for these feelings are persistent and are even threatening to lead you towards a depression. Though many long weeks might have passed since the divorce, these feelings might be appearing to grow stronger with each passing day.

Added to this emotional turmoil is the financial difficulty caused by divorce. The same source of income in the marital phase has to be stretched to meet two households and support two lifestyles. Needless to say, this leaves you in an economic hardship. However, before you turn your attention to the financial scenario, you have to take care of yourself and face the future boldly.

Rebuild Your Life

Your children are deeply hurt by the divorce. They need your help and you can help them only if you deal with your emotions. Self-blame, guilt and sorrow will remain with you, until you banish them off. Change your thought process by creating a new self-image of yourself. Stop feeling victimised.

Only if you change your thinking pattern, can you muster the required strength to handle the situation. Divorce is not the end of life (though you may be inclined to believe so). Begin by discovering your lost self. Recollect your premarital years and try to be the person you once were - attractively popular. Seek the help of a therapist; many believe that it helps.

Be patient. Changing yourself is a slow process. Form a support group of people who are similarly placed. Their experiences and insight often prove helpful. Divert your mind by trying to help others in need. This will also help you develop new relationships.

Once you have regained control of yourself, you can turn your concentration on to bigger issues that require your attention like personal safety, home maintenance, rebuilding career and handling personal finances. However, do not be in a hurry to find someone to remarry. Remarriage, immediately after divorce, is not advisable.

Taking Care of the Business of Living

Living alone presents its own set of risks. You can minimise these risks by being assertive and remaining in control of situations. Be aware of your surroundings. If you feel uncomfortable, get out of a situation immediately. Taking care of your personal safety is important.

Secondly, learn to handle your finances well. Women are generally not good finance managers. If necessary, solicit financial help. Your finances have to be managed well to meet the current and future requirements too. Very few women receive a pension compared to men. Work hard to make yourself economically stronger. Try to find employment if you had been a "stay at home mom.' Rebuild your career that might have been interspersed by breaks while you cared for your children.

Divorce is a period of trial. It can make or break you. Your inherent qualities determine whether you use this period to turn yourself stronger or get embittered for life. People who have made good use of this difficult situation have emerged stronger and better for it. Be one among them. Children always learn by imitation, so be a good role model for them by snapping out of this crisis-driven period.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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