Narcissists do not see women in a healthy way. They are unable to see a woman as cute (i.e. sweet) and sexy at the same time. No, narcissists categorize women into one of two separate categories—saintly or sexy. They have a very difficult time seeing a woman as both. To them, a woman is either one or the other, but never both. This is what psychologists refer to as a Madonna-Whore complex.
If a woman is cute and sweet, she is classified as a Madonna. If she challenges him, she is defined as a whore. A Madonna is sexless. A whore turns a narcissist on like nothing else. In the beginning of a relationship, every woman is sexy to a narcissist because the thrill of the chase makes her enticing. The harder to get she plays, the sexier she becomes. However, once she has been conquered by the narcissist, she slowly loses her desirability. The more comfortable the relationship becomes and the more caring she becomes, the less enticing she is to him sexually. She loses her sex appeal and becomes a saintly Madonna figure.
A Madonna fulfills a narcissist's need to be catered to like a child. A whore fulfills his adult sexual needs. A whore is the only type of woman that turns a narcissist on. A Madonna is completely sexless. Over time, any woman who is good and caring to a narcissist will inevitably become sexless.
Many narcissists revert to pornography at this point, because it portrays women as whores. Pornography is degrading to women, and this is exactly what turns a narcissist on. A narcissist eventually withdraws sexually from any type of intimate relationship you once had with him. I believe it is inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. You become sexless. You become the Madonna. He still needs you, no doubt. However, this is not because he is in love with you in any adult or mature way. He needs you to continue to cater to his needs. He needs you to ensure that someone will always be present to stroke his ego, should the outside world fall short of his expectations.
I fear the easy access young teenagers have to pornography today breeds narcissism. When pornography is a teenager's first introduction to sex, I believe it skews their understanding of it. Instead of learning that sex is something you save for someone you love, they see people having sex with many random people in pornography.
What does this tell teens about sex? It tells them that sex is not sacred. It teaches them that sex need not be reserved for only the one you love. Many teens today are learning about sex and love through pornography. As a result, I believe they see the two as mutually exclusive. In other words, they see sex and love as two completely separate entities, which is precisely how a narcissist views them.
A narcissist does not view sex as a reflection of one's love for another. He views sex as something completely separate from love. To a narcissist, love is sexless, pure, and saintly, whereas sex is dirty and reserved for whores. I feel sorry for them actually. Narcissists cannot experience the joy of love and true intimacy at the same time. Once in a long-term relationship with someone, they must revert to pornography to meet their sexual needs.
Listen to Lisa E. Scott at http://www.AllAboutHim.com where you can follow her on her weekly radio show - All About Him - building awareness on narcissism, offering advice on spotting a narcissist, and a support group call the Vain Forum, which is a message board and blog to help women get out of their narcissistic relationships that are holding them back.
Publish this article: Why Narcissists do not See Women in a Healthy Way