Being alone does not merely impact upon our emotional well being it also has a knock-on effect upon our health and expected lifespan. Thus to fear being alone can be seen as a very real threat. It goes against the grain to be alone.

Even one who enjoys a lot of solitary activities does not usually wish to be alone all of the time. Solitary confinement is a grave punishment and only those who have endured it can really appreciate its impact upon your emotions and well being.

Our sense of self derives in many ways from social approval, and if that is not there it is easy to lose that sense of who you even are. There are however in most of our lives a time when we do have to face the fear of being alone in one sense or another.

We can experience a very real sense of loss and loneliness when we lose a parent, even when we have a spouse, siblings or children. We can fear being alone when a relationship breaks down or we lose a spouse for other reasons. It is possible to be surrounded by many friends, family members and acquaintances, and yet still feel alone.

Conversely, you may be entirely on your own and yet not feel alone. Loneliness is an uncomfortable feeling and therefore one that we do not relish. Everyone would like to learn the secret of inner happiness that allows one to be able to repel those feelings of loneliness before they come knocking upon the door.

Some people have strong Spiritual or Religious beliefs that provide them with a sense of togetherness in the world. They always feel as if they are supported, guided and loved. Others do not have the benefit of these beliefs.

An alternative way in which some people overcome and repel loneliness is by developing a very strong and powerful sense of self. They have an inner confidence and a feeling of inner strength, which allows them to feel that all is good in their world.

Either way, to cope with loneliness it is clear that one has to have a particular attitude. It is your own beliefs and attitude to life that allows you to either give in to feelings of loneliness or to repel them. If you suffer from a fear of being alone, then you could use hypnosis mp3 recordings to build a stronger sense of self and to empower your inner beliefs and expectations.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis confidence mp3 downloads.

P.S. Discover how you can focus your mind with hypnosis. Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website now.
 

Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com and view her library of hypnosis mp3 downloads and hypnosis confidence mp3s.

There is much evidence that we survive more easily and more comfortably when sharing our lives with other human beings than when we live life in a solitary manner. Research shows that we live longer and healthier lives when time is passed in the company of a loving spouse.

Being alone does not merely impact upon our emotional well being it also has a knock-on effect upon our health and expected lifespan. Thus to fear being alone can be seen as a very real threat. It goes against the grain to be alone.

Even one who enjoys a lot of solitary activities does not usually wish to be alone all of the time. Solitary confinement is a grave punishment and only those who have endured it can really appreciate its impact upon your emotions and well being.

Our sense of self derives in many ways from social approval, and if that is not there it is easy to lose that sense of who you even are. There are however in most of our lives a time when we do have to face the fear of being alone in one sense or another.

We can experience a very real sense of loss and loneliness when we lose a parent, even when we have a spouse, siblings or children. We can fear being alone when a relationship breaks down or we lose a spouse for other reasons. It is possible to be surrounded by many friends, family members and acquaintances, and yet still feel alone.

Conversely, you may be entirely on your own and yet not feel alone. Loneliness is an uncomfortable feeling and therefore one that we do not relish. Everyone would like to learn the secret of inner happiness that allows one to be able to repel those feelings of loneliness before they come knocking upon the door.

Some people have strong Spiritual or Religious beliefs that provide them with a sense of togetherness in the world. They always feel as if they are supported, guided and loved. Others do not have the benefit of these beliefs.

An alternative way in which some people overcome and repel loneliness is by developing a very strong and powerful sense of self. They have an inner confidence and a feeling of inner strength, which allows them to feel that all is good in their world.

Either way, to cope with loneliness it is clear that one has to have a particular attitude. It is your own beliefs and attitude to life that allows you to either give in to feelings of loneliness or to repel them. If you suffer from a fear of being alone, then you could use hypnosis mp3 recordings to build a stronger sense of self and to empower your inner beliefs and expectations.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis confidence mp3 downloads.

P.S. Discover how you can focus your mind with hypnosis. Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website now.
 

Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com and view her library of hypnosis mp3 downloads and hypnosis confidence mp3s.

A mentor of mine recently commented that "coaches keep complaining business is too slow." In response, I reported that things are the opposite for me, and that I am rarely slow. He asked me to present him with "The Top 10 Reasons Why My Coaching Business is Not Slow," and here they are:

10. I place great emphasis on business development.

I get bored easily. (Typical ADD!) If I'm not continually challenging myself with developing new products, new services, new marketing techniques, and new speaking engagements, I get bored. I have a menu of products and services and I continually add to it, based on what my clients and prospects have told me they want and will buy.

9. I make the most of my newsletter, which has about 2200 subscribers and grows daily.

I give my subscribers valuable information, whether or not they choose to take advantage of my pay services. But I also don't hesitate to make them aware of what I have to offer. If they buy, great. If they don't, I don't take it personally. At least I know I am putting out some good into the world and reaching a ton of people.

8. I keep my professional network & strategic alliance partners in the loop.

Many of my clients come from referrals. I feel that it's very important to maintain regular contact with people who are referring clients to me, or who may refer clients to me in the future. I always acknowledge referrals and offer my thanks and appreciation.

7. I write down all my ideas.

I wish the government would pay me to sit in a room all day and generate ideas! I'd truly succeed. I am constantly dreaming up new and exciting workshops, programs, and products. I can't implement them all at once, but I do write them down so that I can access the ideas when the time is right.

6. I'm happy making my living helping.

I continually remind myself of why I am coaching and what it means to me. I keep a "Happy Folder" where all the good feedback goes and I review it when I feel down. I work for the money. I coach because I love it. I coach ADDers because they're fabulous people.

5. I focus on marketing, not BS work.

While it's impossible to stay clear of what I call "BS work," I continually remind myself that things like web updates should only occupy my time when absolutely necessary. I'd rather spend my non-coaching time getting new clients.

4. I'm authentic and rarely attract an incompatible client.

If I know that I won't work well with a potential client or that the relationship will not be satisfying to one or both of us, I refer the client to another coach who is better suited for the job. I would rather spend my time with - and make my money from - clients whom I know I can make a difference with.

3. I have an excellent team in place.

It took a while, but I finally embraced the idea that I can not, and should not, be doing everything. Delivering the coaching and developing the business are my strengths. I prefer to let others utilize their strengths in all other areas.

2. I have decided to make this coaching business work, and darn it, I will make it work!

I used to think that the word "failure" didn't belong in my vocabulary. I came to realize that failure is inevitable. It will happen. And when it does, I am just one step closer to finding a solution that works.

1. I welcome the occasional "slow down" of business.
When things are slow, I use it as an opportunity to create more opportunities. "Slow" periods give me the time I need to focus on and follow through with marketing, client recruitment, and product development. Which of these can you do, right now, to move your own business forward?

Jennifer Koretsky is an ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She publishes The ADD Coaching Business Report, an eNewsletter that helps other coaches succeed in their business and marketing efforts and create viable coaching businesses. Subscribe to The ADD Coaching Business Report at http://www.addmanagement.com/ACBR.htm

The Structure Problem

Structure is an issue that most self-employed service providers struggle with. ADD coaches, in particular, often suffer from self-imposed pressure to always "be there" for the client. ADDers frequently need accountability and follow-ups, and many coaches fall into the trap of thinking that in order to be a good coach, they have to be available all the time.

This is simply not true. The first rule of being a 'good' coach is to be a 'good' person!

In order to be a 'good' coach, you must feel good about yourself and your life. You must be a happy, fulfilled person who has a surplus of positive energy. You cannot serve your clients well if you are overwhelmed and over-scheduled. You have to have a life outside of work. And in order to do this, you must have boundaries in the business.

Business boundaries come in the form of schedules. The business is OPEN certain days of the week, and CLOSED other days of the week. On those OPEN days, the business has certain operating hours.

No matter how great a coach you are, no matter how many people you are helping, and no matter how much good you are doing in the world, you cannot forget that your ADD coaching practice is a business, and businesses need boundaries.

If you forget this fact, you will struggle both emotionally and financially.

What To Do

First, decide what your working days are. What days of the week will your business be OPEN? What holidays will you have off? How much vacation time will you allow yourself?

Then, decide what your working hours will be. Establish your operating hours for each working day.

Next, figure out which days you will actually be coaching in your work week. Don't forget that you need time every week for administrative, marketing, and planning tasks.

Finally, stick to it! If a (potential) client calls on Sunday, and Sunday is not a working day for you, wait until the next business day to return the call. Clients won't respect your boundaries if you don't respect them.

A Living Example

Many self-employed service providers fear that limiting their availability means that they will lose clients. I have found the opposite to be true.

Here's my favorite example: A former client of mine is a massage therapist. When we began working together, he was working 7 days a week, taking clients any time of day or night. If a client called and wanted a massage at 6:00 AM, he'd do it. If another client wanted a massage at 10:00 PM that same day, he'd do it! He was so scared of losing a client that he burnt himself out being on call all day, every day. To make matters worse, he could barely make ends meet. He simply wasn't getting the number of clients he needed to sustain himself and the business.

We both knew that he needed to decrease his working days and his operating hours, but it was hard for him to get over his fear of losing clients. Eventually, he did. He cut back to 6 days a week, started attending exercise classes in the mornings, and decreased his evening hours.

To his surprise (but not to mine), business picked up. Most clients were happy to book an appointment within his new operating hours, and he let go of clients that weren't. His stress level decreased, and he found himself giving better massages, which led to more referrals.

This former client checked in with me about a week ago, and he was happy to report that business is booming! He has been booked and making great money. While this client is not a coach, I have seen this scenario happen over and over again with myself, my colleagues, and my clients who are coaches.

When you let the boundaries blur between yourself and your business, you will struggle with stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. When you take care of yourself, your business will take care of you.

Jennifer Koretsky is an ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She publishes The ADD Coaching Business Report, an eNewsletter that helps other coaches succeed in their business and marketing efforts and create viable coaching businesses. Subscribe to The ADD Coaching Business Report at http://www.addmanagement.com/ACBR.htm

Attention Deficit Disorder presents different challenges to different people. Some of us have the most trouble focusing and concentrating, while some of us have great difficulty regulating emotion. Whatever your greatest challenge is, there is one sure-fire way to be successful in spite of it: the ability to be resilient.

Miriam-Webster online defines resilience as "an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." Applying this to adults with ADD, we might adjust the definition to "an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune, change, setbacks, challenges, and failure." In order to be successful adults with ADD, we have to accept the undeniable fact that we will have challenges, we will have failures, and we will have disappointments. But we cannot let these setbacks stop us. Let's take a practical look at resilience by comparing two adults with ADD, "Jane" and "Lilly."

Jane is an amazingly smart woman, but she doesn't think so. She works in a high-pressure office where people are frenzied. She is a general assistant to several VIPs. One of her bosses frequently blames his own mistakes on her, and another boss often calls Jane stupid. Jane spends her evenings worn down and upset. She feels defeated. Once a very confident and happy woman, she has let the messages of a few jerks bring her down. She wants to find a new job, but she doesn't think anyone else will hire her. In the very first week of her job, Jane knew it wasn't a good fit for her and she should quit, but she didn't trust her intuition and therefore stayed put. Lilly is also an amazingly smart woman with ADD.

Lilly had a hard time in school. She didn't have very good grades, and was often told she was lazy, but she persisted. She graduated high school and, even though her parents discouraged her from going to college, she went anyway! She started off in a community college, where she discovered that when she could choose her course of study, she actually did quite well. From there she transferred to a very good state school. Lilly decided that she wanted to teach high school. She wanted to be "one of those teachers who makes a difference." Her college advisor told her she was crazy. She said "A woman of small stature and quiet voice, like you, can't teach high school. You won't be able to discipline the kids. They'll eat you alive."

Lilly was crushed for two days. But in her heart, she knew better. She made a conscious choice not to listen to her advisor. In fact, she petitioned the school for a new advisor who would be more supportive, and she got one. Lilly has now been teaching high school history for 7 years, and was even voted "favorite teacher" in the yearbook superlatives! Jane has lost her resilience in this situation. She lets the words of others shape her thoughts about herself, and she no longer trusts herself. Lilly, on the other hand, has amazing resilience. She trusts herself, and she does not let others negative messages bring her down. She allows herself to be disappointed, but not for too long. She gets right back on track. And she has great successes to show for it.

Resilience in adults with ADD is all about moving forward. If we want to be successful adults with ADD, we simply cant let disappointments hold us back.

 Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She encourages clients to increase self-awareness, focus on strengths and talents, and create realistic action plans. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine and The Times (UK). To subscribe to Jennifers free email newsletter, The ADD Management Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm

Jennifer Koretsky is an ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She publishes The ADD Coaching Business Report, an eNewsletter that helps other coaches succeed in their business and marketing efforts and create viable coaching businesses. Subscribe to The ADD Coaching Business Report at http://www.addmanagement.com/ACBR.htm

Jennifer Koretsky is an ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She publishes The ADD Coaching Business Report, an eNewsletter that helps other coaches succeed in their business and marketing efforts and create viable coaching businesses. Subscribe to The ADD Coaching Business Report at http://www.addmanagement.com/ACBR.htm

Just six years ago, aged 38 I was at a crossroads in my life. My children were growing up fast and at school, we had just moved house and was getting to grips with living in a new and rather isolated rural community and having had an fulfilling career break taking me out of the working arena for most of these 7 years I was wondering how and when I should enter back into the world of work.

Previously I had enjoyed a successful career in various training and development roles in Blue Chip companies. I loved what I did, had worked my way up to a senior position with sizeable responsibilities and if I hadn’t decided to devote my time to my family no doubt I would have still been climbing the corporate ladder.

My first thought was to do some research – start understanding the current trends in training and development and start retraining myself to raise both my competence and confidence levels. It was at this point that coaching stood out. And the more I researched the more it stood out as a powerful intervention here to stay. I knew a little about coaching from the work I had done in other companies but felt I needed to know more so within a couple of weeks I enrolled on a programme and took my first step to becoming a certified coach.

Little did I know however where this first step would take me. Now six years on I have my own successful coaching company working with a wide range of amazing clients, (most of whom are business owners in their own right), I absolutely love the work I do, I regularly undertake public speaking engagements, and I have a work-life balance that is second to none. Added to this I am now working on an exciting project which I hope will enable me to make a difference to people’s lives worldwide.

Most people who know me would say that whilst my core values have never changed I am now a much more confident and fulfilled person who knows what they want from life.

So what has happened in these years? I have undertaken numerous programmes to develop myself as a coach. If you are to become a good coach you have to walk the talk and take your own personal development seriously. This isn’t only from a credibility point of view, if you don’t other coaches will and you will get left behind. But the great thing about training to be a coach with a good coaching school is that you not only develop your skills to coach professionally, you also get to experience your own personal development journey and come out stronger, braver and more confident as a result.
And of course I have my own coach. If you fully embrace the development you go through then anything is possible. I never cease to be amazed by some of the great work that great coaches get involved in.

So how else has coaching impacted upon my life? Apart from a total career transformation, as my children step into their teenage years I now feel better equipped to understand and guide them through this crucial stage of their life. I find that relationships are easier to manage and even after over 20 years together I am able to enjoy a great relationship with my husband. And crucially I now know what is important to me and have a clear set of values which act as my personal compass through life.

So if you too are at a crossroads and want a better life then just think whether a career in coaching could also be for you.

Louise Yates now runs her own performance coaching business. She also helps people understand what is coaching and how to go about choosing a coach.

If you have received any training in coaching skills then it is highly likely that you will know the difference between open and closed questions. And you will know that generally open questions (ones beginning with what, when, how, where, why and who) are more helpful questions to ask than closed ones which elicit only limited responses, more commonly either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. But just because your questions are open questions it doesn’t mean to say they are powerful questions, ones which really get your clients to challenge their current thinking, deepen their awareness, gain clarity, open up possibilities, become unstuck and create sustainable change.

If clients are paying you good money you need to be asking questions that your clients haven’t already asked themselves. But don’t think you have to be clever, often the simplest questions encourage the deepest of reflection.

So what makes a great question?
Unfortunately there is no one set of great questions. The power of a question arises from using your intuition to ask the ‘right’ question at the ‘right’ time. A question which works for one person may not necessarily land with another. And good coach won’t have a prepared script of questions instead will listen and tailor their next one in line according to where the client is ‘at’ at that particular point in time.

You may know when you have asked a good question because your client tells you but also you may be able to sense you have suddenly stopped them in their tracks. You will also gauge your question by their responses - does your client now see things from a different perspective, has their energy level changed, are they now compelled to take action? One piece of good practice is to reflect after each session on what questions worked well for each client and take a note of them. Also what questions failed to move them forward and why?

I find as I do more and more coaching the range of questions I ask expands and as I have developed then there are certain questions that I find define my coaching style. When I was first trained I was taught not to ask ‘why’ questions as they are regarded as rather confrontational and can lead to a defensive response. But I see that part of my role of coach is to be provocative, to stir up a reaction from which the client can learn, so if appropriate am not afraid to ask why.

Whilst I have said there is no one set of great questions here are just a few questions that I have found have helped clients deepen their learning and make change.

• What does success/fulfilment/ happiness mean to you?
• What is really important to you?
• What are you choosing not to admit?
• Where are you choosing to focus your attention?
• What do you need to be brave about?
• What is really going on here?
• Why are you choosing to …e.g. act in this way/ feel this way/play small etc.
• What question would you least like me to ask you?
• What part do you play in this situation?
• Where else does this behaviour show up in your life?
• On a scale of 1 -10 what is your commitment to this?

Louise Yates now runs a successful performance coaching business. She also helps people understand what is coaching and how to go about choosing a coach.

You may be contemplating becoming a coach and wondering whether you have the right skills and qualities to become one.

There are both skills and qualities that are essential to being a great coach and let’s distinguish between the two. Skills are something that we learn to do whilst qualities or personal attributes are part of our personality. So if we apply this to coaching, in theory not everyone will necessarily have the personality that will either make us the best coach or allow us to enjoy it but most people if they have the desire will have the capability to develop the right skills.

One of the key skills is the ability to building rapport with your clients. If you cannot build rapport you cannot develop a relationship of trust and openness so crucial to coaching. A client needs to feel deep enough rapport with their coach to be able to create a climate of mutual respect and to be able to open up.

A key skill associated with rapport is that of listening. People tend to be branded either ‘a good listener’ or ‘a bad listener’ but again this is a skill that can be developed. A coach should not only be able to listen to the words their client is saying but also pick up on their feelings, emotions and what is not being said. They need to be able to listen intuitively. If a coach cannot listen at the deepest level they will not be able to help their clients understand what is really going on for them and are likely to only work at a superficial level.

Another skill is the ability to ask really powerful questions that will help a client raise their self-awareness, gain clarity about their situation, make sense of the options they have open to them and to challenge their current thinking. Most people’s default is to ask closed or leading questions, however good coaches will ask open questions that really get the client thinking for themselves. Most experienced coaches will tell you that a bank of great skills are developed over time with experience.

The ability to challenge is also an important skill. A coach should follow their intuition and say what needs to be said. This may involve challenging the client where there are inconsistencies or where you are picking up something that the client is not saying. And if coaching is about really helping clients to change coaches should also be able to challenge in the sense of calling forth their client to really stretch themselves and step outside their comfort zones.

A good coach should also learn to reflect. Coaching itself is about helping a client to reflect so a coach needs to be a role model for this skill. In order to develop competence in all of the skills mentioned above a great coach will reflect upon their own ability after each coaching, what went well, what questions worked, how could they have been more effective, what should they do next time etc etc.

In summary skills can be developed if there is the desire is there. All great coaches not only undergo initial training they will take time out to reflect on their own competence and continually invest both time and money in their own personal development to grow to be the best coach they can be.

Louise Yates specializes in performance coaching for business leaders. She has also written about active listening techniques and other essential coaching skills.